Author: Staff Writer

Actual Texas Politician Quotes 1. “It just makes good sense to put all your eggs in one basket.” Texas Rep. Joe Salem speaking on an amendment requiring all revenues to go into the State Treasury. 2. “Lemme give ya’ a hypothetic.” Texas Rep. Renal Rosson. 3. “Ain’t nothin’ in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.” Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower. 4. “And now, will y’all stand and be recognized?” Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis to a group of handicapped people in wheelchairs. 5. “Dallas salutes a person who can buy a piece of art,...

Rules for Yankees who move to the south 1.   Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2.   If you forget a Southerner’s name, refer to him (or her) as “Bubba”. You have a 75% chance of being right. 3.   Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 4.   If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and...

Texas Phrases  The engine’s runnin’ but ain’t nobody driving Translation: Not overly-intelligent. Tighter than bark on a tree Translation: Not very generous. Big hat, no cattle Translation: All talk and no action. We’ve howdied but we ain’t shook yet Translation: We’ve made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced. He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow Translation: He has a pretty high opinion of himself. As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party Translation: (self-explanatory). S/He’s got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth Translation: Talks a lot. It’s so dry the trees...